In the End

In January of 2016, I took in a friend who needed hospice care. Wayne needed a place to die. He didn't want to die in the hospital and I don't blame him at all. Hospitals smell funny and they give you your pills in applesauce. Dying is rather routine in a hospital.

So I put Wayne in the sunny front room. He was blind by then so I described the room to him while holding his hand. I told him I would be with him to the end. I thought it would be no problem, as I had been there when my Father and Mother died. I held both their hands and felt their spirits leave their bodies. It was sacred to me.

So for the few days I had Wayne, I gave him his meds and cleaned him up and fed him. I talked to him about our tv programs and about how he would see his 21 year old son who died of a drug overdose. The cancer had spread to his brain. He hated me. He cursed me. He loved me. He  didn't want to die.

He died one morning calling for me.

I am bipolar. And I have other disorders. After all three deaths, that of my Mother, my Father and Wayne's, I have had a mental collapse. After Wayne's, I ended up in the hospital, a mental institution. There was no such available help for me after Mom and Dad's deaths. I just didn't have the insurance or the money.

After Wayne died, I collapsed in a very public way on Facebook. I contacted Bernie Sanders, I contacted the FBI, I  thought the CIA was after me.

I want to apologize now to all the people I offended in that period of my life.

I was insane.

I have no excuse. Death makes me insane.

Since then I have gone to no funerals, or taken responsibility for any more dying people. I can't.

So I apologize to all of you out there who were offended by my insane posts in December of 2016. I don't remember much of that month, except for the kindness of the people of Catawba Hospital and the high school friend who managed my care and came back a month later to help me move.

But I would like to say this: Live your life. Love those around you. Live in the moment. Every moment, every day is precious.